Have you ever stopped to think about the attitude you take to different areas of your life?

When you think about a physical challenge are you filled with dread at the thought of falling off balance while the person next to you is serene in their warrior two pose?

What about when you have to give a presentation? The night before are you focused on your lines and content. On the day do you use the butterflies in your stomach to propel you through.

What is the difference between these two approaches?

In the yoga example, you are focused on what you cannot control, other peoples’ abilities and perceptions, an idea of what you should be able to do, in order to be considered good enough.

When you were giving the presentation, you were focused on what you can influence. How well prepared you were and channeling your energy to infuse your content and delivery.

Were you focused on the prior presentations, probably? But you used that for inspiration. Did you recognize that everyone has their own style, and you have yours, probably?

If not, you would have likely turned inward and into a negativity spiral, where the build-up of stress suppresses your ability to be present. Instead you worry about your next line, or dwell on that joke which did not come over as intended. Your performance suffers.

Ok, let’s say what if the worst happened and you rode that negativity spiral all the way to the end and you bombed. How do you come back?

Well, after you have gone home and ate that quart of Ben and Jerry’s or finished off that bottle of wine – you are allowed to wallow in self-pity, initially.

Let’s start with the next day? Do you withdraw and not take the time to reflect and acknowledge what happened? What would be the result of this?

Alternatively, what if you blamed the lighting, being placed at the wrong point in the schedule or by saying the audience just didn’t get what you had to say?

Well, a number of things can happen, none of which are good.

• You could avoid giving another presentation, preventing people from engaging with your content in this intimate way.
• You could continue to project blame elsewhere, leaving you to sleepwalk into you next presentation with the same game plan, only with more stress and anxiety.
• You try to control everything, micro-managing all aspects of the presentation, who goes before you, scripting every minute moment in your head, and you end up consuming so much energy you are exhausted.

None of these strategies facilitate growth or build resilience to stress. You do not lean into the discomfort, instead you move away from it or fight it. We hold on to our perfectionism, our concern about what other people think and our need for certainty.

So how can you counter this? Well, it comes back to the question I raised earlier. Do you find that the attitude you take differs depending on the situation, the environment, who you are with?

Well, this is where you can draw on your own experience to facilitate growth in different areas of your life. I will draw from my own to explain.

I started running when I was twenty-four. This was on-off pursuit until my late thirties where I started to take it more seriously.

In my first twelve years, I ran. But I never educated myself about running. I did not construct a training plan, vary the distances and paces I was running at or do running specific strength training. I was never purposeful with my training, and hence I did not improve.

My desire to get serious about running stemmed from my resolve to get back in shape after developing a mid-thirties gut. However, the more I ran, the more I desired to participate in races. And from completing races, times became important.

I enjoyed the process of learning and realizing the results both in terms of my minutes per mile improvement and in my motivation and developing mental strategies to push myself further.

In summary, I have a growth mindset when it comes to running, I enjoy the process of stretching my current abilities and engaging in disciplined practice. My ego very rarely gets in the way, I am very pragmatic in the assessment of my current running level and in what goals I set myself.

Below are the main characteristics of my attitude to running:

• The challenges I set myself help me to improve.
• Through education, determination and engaging in purposeful training, I will get faster.
• Those I learn from or look up to inspire me.
• I like to incorporate new things into my training.

This attitude has allowed me to enjoy the process and in the past two and half years I have knocked forty minutes from my half-marathon personal best. And I am looking forward to making more marginal gains in my time and stepping up to marathon and exploring longer trail race ultra-marathons.

Now let’s compare this to my approach to engineering. A skill, I build my livelihood from and in stages of my life, I have fallen in love with, for example when I was doing my post-graduate research. At other times, I have struggled to find the passion, a stage I gone through a number of times in my career.

Let’s focus on the struggle, what are the characteristics of my mindset?

• I think that colleagues are critical of me and I avoid acknowledging their input.
• I am anxious about new challenges and afraid of failure.
• I want to do what works, not what is best.
• I overwork myself, taking on too many projects.

My attitude is totally different.

I don’t lean into the discomfort of new challenges and project my insecurities onto others. I stress about factors which I cannot control, such as other peoples’ perceptions, or on project goals and timelines. I overwork and do not give my body the rest and rejuvenation it needs.

I have a fixed mindset, where failure is inherently tied to both my ability as an engineer and my work ethic.

So how did I overcome this fixed mindset?

Well, I reflected on my behavior and looked for cues in my growth mindset that I could apply when my fixed mindset was activated in my job.

Over time, I was able to recognize the pattern of my behavior and correct it on the spot, without reacting. Gradually, I shifted from fearing challenges to a position of being able to struggle well and improve my wellbeing.

This process is not linear, and I do revert to type. Especially when the challenges get bigger, or the visibility of my work opens me up to more comment and criticism. It is these times where I have to consciously draw my attention to my behavior and remember my learning.

Savoring and practicing gratitude also helps and I will discuss this in a future blog post.

First, before you learn from your growth mindset. How can we foster this mindset? Here are some key points from my running.

• Enjoy not being the expert: When you are challenged in a discipline where you have experience. It is easy for the fixed mindset to creep out, learning will not be enjoyable and any effort to gain mastery, you believe, will prove fruitless. Instead try an activity that you have been curious about but have little knowledge. Suspend any judgement and be present, enjoy your first lesson, ride, or dish for what it is. Keep this attitude with you as you build a habit out of this new activity.
• Do something for yourself: Whenever you put yourself into an arena with people you may project your own insecurities onto them. If you think this applies to you, give the activity a go on your own first, or find a way to participate away from your usual peer group. Once you have gained confidence, gradually open this side of yourself to close friends and enjoy getting to know your new peer group more, free from the negative feelings you previously held.
• Enjoy making progress: Savor all aspects of your new hobby. The feeling you get after you conjugate your first verb or can watch a foreign film and understand the words without conscious translation. If you choose to challenge yourself in public arenas such as entering a race. Do not sign up for something you are not ready for, you will not enjoy the experience. Instead chose local community events with more people of similar abilities. Enjoy measuring your progress through improvements in distances and finish times, rather than places.

Doing these points will put you on the path to your own personal mastery. You will learn to enjoy the challenge. Your engagements with people will be more constructive, and you realize with time and effort you will improve.

All these aspects, I have learned from my running and when in my job, I succumb to negative fixed mindset traits. I sit back at the end of the day and reflect on these moments and rationalize them with my growth mindset. It allows me to stay more grounded, live with uncomfortable feelings and work with people I initially have difficulty with.

I hope these points will help you as your inner novice teaches your rigid expert to enjoy their skills and seek further mastery as you overcome challenges you initially thought improbably.

Remember getting good should not be your goal, it is your own personal development, no matter how small. Enjoy the journey.