If I were to describe my homebody existence, I would say reading, running, writing and YouTube. It was the latter, I was half-paying attention to, when this quote grappled my attention into a headlock.

“Forget the noun, do the verb”^*

What resonated was if I could summarize where this blog has gravitated in the first six months, it is discovering your purpose through sampling and then cultivating what you find meaningful.

As a result, my life has become more process over goal orientated. I realized goals come with both an expectation and time component. At some point, I will encounter a barrier where I question either my progress (time) or the objective (expectation) itself.

The question may come after the initial enthusiasm has dampened and I analyze the realism of my goal. Pitting the commitment required to attain the idealized vision of my goal, against the backdrop of the worst experiences with my current responsibilities, the long weeks, the late-night conference calls, and frequent travel.

In this equation there was always one winner. I put my goal safely aside, rationalizing it would create too much conflict in my professional life. And it was locked away, only to re-emerge on rainy days where I could bask once again in the fantasy of what my life would be like if only, I attained that goal. And there the cycle would begin again.

The second scenario would be after making steady progress, my gained knowledge and experience causes me to question the goal itself as it is no longer aligned with my new reality. Therefore, I am faced with a fork in the road, do I continue into the unknown or do I take time out to re-evaluate my options?

In both cases, I evaluate an ill-informed expectation in a rigid and short-term manner, rationalizing my moment of weakness to provide a pragmatic answer for why I should no longer pursue my interests.

In starting this blog, I encountered this conflict on multiple occasions. I wrote in one of my first posts about contemplating quitting my job and taking three months out to train to qualify for Boston and to develop my writing and use it as a springboard to initiate a change in profession.

Six months on, have I achieved these goals? No, I am still in my job and I have not qualified for Boston. However, there is progress. I completed my first marathon and this blog is still going. In addition, I have started to branch out in other areas, experimenting with fiction writing.

I have not allowed a dose of realism to dissuade me from the pursuit of my interests.

Instead, I found enjoyment in the process and in making progress. A goal can get you started, but in the beginning, you are ill-informed and over-eager. It is difficult to imagine the breadth and depth a hobby, pursuit or a calling can take you.

Also, I have learned that I cannot go full-out straight away. It takes time to build a practice and develop the physical and mental stamina to become remotely proficient.

Four years ago, I took my running more seriously. Back then I thought running limited mileage twice a week was enough to gain a decent half-marathon time. It wasn’t and it took until last month to complete my first marathon.

To do this, I balanced 10 hours of training per week at peak with my work. If I tried to do this from the start, my mind and body would not be able to handle it. Also, I did not have the value system around running to make the emotional and rational trade-offs with my work.

In whatever goal you are pursuing, there will come a time, like me, you realize how long it is going to take or how it has diverged away from your original expectation. In these times, you need something more than your goal to sustain you. You need to build a value system around your interest, to find meaning in the daily practice and to give yourself permission to branch out in a new direction.

And even if you do hit your goal what then?

You need to be open to new experiences. I know I want to run in Boston, but I enjoy every half marathon, every trail race, and there are related interests beyond attaining that qualifying time that I want also. Do not make your goal the be all and end all. This will lead to more questions in the hard times and your goal will be a dream, then a fantasy and then nothing.

I find purpose in writing this paragraph. I find meaning in going out for a ten-mile run while it is pouring with rain. I have my doubts and bouts of procrastination for sure. But I recognize when I am rationalizing a feeling and it is the value I find in running, writing or reading that gets me out the door, to open up the laptop, or put down my phone and pick up a book.

There is a lifetime to pursue your interests, instead of attaching lofty goals, timeframes or monetary targets to them. Find meaning in those interests and even after breaks, set backs or diversions it is the value around the daily progress that will lead to change in whatever form at whatever point in time.

*quote by Austin Kleon