I spent three days trying to start this article. I would go to Starbucks, order my Medium Roast and sit down, poised to write. An article about those hidden scripts that affect my life was the fixed intention for my writing. Indeed, I was able to force out a paragraph, but it was all very structured, a formal introduction of what I was reading. Nothing of me was contained within it. Some articles are not made to be written . . . yet. They should be stored for another day, when you are better read and completed the groundwork of introspection to create that kernel of an idea, a concept, which you can base the article around.

Instead, I am going to move forward beyond my last book and onto what I am currently reading. Ryan Holiday’s ‘Stillness is the Key’. In particular, his chapter of walking and its importance to many philosophers, authors and creatives. When an idea wouldn’t come or the solution to a problem still eluded them, often the answer was found in their daily walk. Therefore, given my current writing predicament, I set off for an evening stroll around the neighborhood.

To start the walk, I made sure to limit my distractions, so the cell phone stayed on the couch as I exited the apartment. I knew that the walk should not be structured both in thought and in action. I made no particular plan with regard to my route and attempted the same with my thoughts. However, I could not help myself, the goal of finding the hidden combination of moves that would unlock my blog post remained and on return the words would fall out onto the page. In a way they did. The walk itself became inspiration for a new article, while at the same time making some small chinks in honing my thoughts around the role of those hidden scripts in my life. It was precisely at the point where I let go of my intentions, thoughts began to flow. It is important, as Ryan mentions, not to push away those thoughts like in meditation. You can hold onto them, examine them but never let them furrow your brow. It is a time for reflection, to uncover blind spots and provide ideas to rejuvenate yourself as you prepare yourself for the deep work that will inevitably come afterwards.

What did I get from my walk? For one, I now understand better its purpose, there is not one. Open yourself up in mind and in body to the sights and experiences you take in along the way. Let them, dislodge the blockages that you have been forcibly trying to break down with your own brute force. Let the concepts come and go as they will. These can be ones that you have been struggling with like my relationship to my inner child and the shame he has in revealing who he is and my inner parent standing guard watching for any transgression. Where is the Adult in this? This is a question that remains unsolved and one which will require more reading and many more walks as I seek to learn more about myself and the invisible scripts that I play out in my life. I learned that this is a lifetime of discovery that is not going to be contained neatly in one little article. In a way, would I want it too? No, it is much too big and complex, my life is more than just a few hundred or a few thousand words. It is as I am typing this, I now realize that this was the trouble I was having with the article all along. I knew deep down that I was tackling a subject too dense to be written in one afternoon sat at a computer and yet I forced it. It has to come out a fragment at a time until I can piece together a whole. It is important that I am able to share these fragments with you, for me to realize there is no shame in holding them up to you all and saying this is who I am.